Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
