The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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