I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
