You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
