Swine flu is the new snow day.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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