First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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