Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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