He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
