I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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