I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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