Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
PS: I just woke up from my shower
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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