take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize