i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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