I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just pynch a tree in the face
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
