Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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