SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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