She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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