I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
