What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
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