Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
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