You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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