White coat. Heels.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
