Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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