This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
