I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
