What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize