This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
