TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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