Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
