my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
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whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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