How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
