i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
