She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
