She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
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