During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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