So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
