nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
