she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
