R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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