I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
