there's paper in my vomit.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
What a dumb baby whore.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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