So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
