First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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