Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
