These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
