She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
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they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
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The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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