You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
