Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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