i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
