So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
