I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
