I hate all girls vehemently.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My vagina is officially offended.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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