No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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