we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
