I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
