yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
