I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
