I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
