So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
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He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
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He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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