Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
