cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i think i have two assholes
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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