Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
