How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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