You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
