It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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