I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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