I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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