Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
