Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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