Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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