We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
