Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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