I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
