just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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