My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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