the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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