dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
